Microdiscetomy - Spine Surgery

You know those day's in your life that you know you will never, ever forget?  Those crazy out of nowhere days that you can remember every single detail, no matter what else was going on in your life at the time?

August 27th is one of those days for me.  It was 2.5 weeks before my baby girl turned two.  My grandparents came to town to purchase her birthday gift, a full size bed, side tables, and bedding for my not so baby anymore, baby. 

The beautiful white furniture looked so nice in her room, I immediately decided that she needed the perfect bedding to accompany it.  

Off to the Mall we went, grandma, Emileigh, and myself.  It was August, in Oklahoma heat.  I think the temperature was 112 that day... give or take.  We ended up finding the most perfect pink and black colored set featuring mini-mouse.  Not at all cartoon-ey so pretty.

I carried my sleeping baby through the mall, not knowing it would be the last time I would be able to do so.

That night, we tried tucking her into her big girl bed.  I'm not sure if it was the change, or a sixth sense, but she was not having it.  She went to sleep downstairs, in our bedroom in her pack n play.  At three am, she stirred, I got out of bed to shush her back to sleep and down I went.  At 7am, Kevin's alarm went off.  I tried to get out of bed and couldn't move.

Serioiusly.  I couldn't move.  If there had been a fire in my house, I would have burned.  

I was scared, upset, and angry.

We called my grandma, who stayed with the kids and off to the urgent care we went.

After x-rays and a shot of something I hope to never have again, the doctor explained that I would get over the pain in my back with a bit of rest and tlc.  Actually, I remember he telling me that 80% of the symptoms clear on their own.  

The next day, I went to my primary care doctor.  He agreed, but as a precaution, set up an MRI.  

Two weeks later, I was sitting in front of a spine Surgeon who assured me that I had a bulge, however he thought steriod injections would help.

They didn't  

Two weeks later, I was having back surgery.  A microdiscectomy of the L5 - S1 vertebrae.  

I wish the story ended there, however, after surgery and  another round of steriod injections, I had a revision of the surgery last Monday.  

The past four months have been terrible.  I haven't been able to pick up my babies.  I haven't been able to travel, I haven't been much help to anyone.  I have spent an obscene amount of time on Pinterest.  

With any luck, this surgery will work.

T-shirt Scarf

I have been wanting to make a unique scarf for sometime, and tonight, I finally found the time and energy to get after the project.  The tots went over to my dad's so I had a few hours to be crafty.  This is what I made:

I first spotted a similar one from a blogger at, kevinandamanda.com  I thought it couldn't be too hard, so tonight, I dug out a few shirts and went to work.

I'm not even kidding, this is so easy.  Really.  You can do it in an hour watching your favorite show on TV.  It's super simple, and all your friends are going to beg for one.  

I think, perhaps, my friends might find one in their Christmas gifts from me this year.... maybe.

To make this beauty  you need to dig out some old (or new, but okay to cut up) t-shirts.  I used four, a crimson, white, gray, and black.  If you know me, you know I'm supporting my Sooners with this one :)

Find some sharp scissors, and you are ready to go.

The first step  is to cut the hem off the bottom of the shirt and set it aside.  Later you will cut them into six inch strips and use them to attach your rings together.

Secondly, cut eight strips from the t-shirt.  When cut, it will look something like this:

Not only is this project super simple, you don't have to worry about cutting in super straight lines or worry about jagged edges.

Once all of the strips have been cut out, the fun begins.

Take a piece of fabric and pull on it.  Stretch it out as far as it will stretch.  Magically, your fabric will go from flat and jagged to long and turned in.  Awesome, right?

totally bad picture- sorry!

Stretch all strips then wind them around your fingers to make rings.  Set them aside:

Once you have them all stretched, begin to assemble.  Put two rings together and tie with a piece of the bottom cuff.  I used four shirts, so I ended up with 32 rings.  Use as many as you like.  That's the fun!

I can't wait to see if you make one.  If you do, leave me a comment, or link.  I am super happy I stumbled upon the tutorial myself.  Good Luck and...well.... boomer sooner :)  

Minnie Mouse Party

I have had TONS of emails asking how I made Emileigh's Minnie Mouse topiary that we used as the centerpiece for her second birthday party.  

I wish I could take total credit for the idea, unfortunately my creative juices are a bit low.  Thanks to Pinterest my juices are beginning to flow again.   I began my search  about a month before the big day. I could have spent a year getting ready for this party, however I had days... so I improvised.

Here are a couple of the projects I completed for the big day:

Minnie Mouse Topiary

Pillow case dress :) 

Cupcakes

The Topiary was the most time consuming project, but it turned out GREAT!  

It was super easy- you will need the following:

* Foam Topiary base found in most craft stores, I got mine from Hobby Lobby

* Foam floral balls, also from Hobby Lobby.  

* You will buy two sizes, bigger ones for the bottom and smaller for the top

These will be Minnie's ears :)

* Go out in the garden shed and grab a plastic pot, you're going to paint it, so it won't matter the condition.  

* Pull out your paint and paint brushes.  The fun is getting ready to begin :)

Miscellaneous:

*you will need tooth picks to apply the ears

*Ribbon of your choice for Minnie's bow

*Floral pins

*Ribbon for the outside of the pot (if necessary)

*Flowers of your choice to place at the bottom of the topiary

*hot glue gun and glue sticks

I also used these:

*They are dimensional stickers I found in the scrapbook section at hobby lobby.  I used them on the invites, the topiary, and anywhere else I could find that could use some "bling" :)

Directions:

1. Clean, dry, and paint the plastic flower pot and set aside to dry.
2. Paint the foam balls on the topiary tree.  I chose not to paint the wood rod, but might in the future.  It turned out okay with leaving it wood.
3. Paint the foam balls used for Minnie's ears.  Once you have an ear painted, stick a tooth pick in the ball and then stick it onto the topiary base.  Remember, use the bigger size on the bottom and the smaller size ears for the top.  
4. Cut your ribbon and place bows on the ears.   I hot glued mine 
1. I took advantage and "blinged" mine up a bit with the scrapbook stickers :)
5.  Wrap the pot with whatever ribbon you choose, I used zebra with a pink polka dot accent.  
6. You will need to weight the pot- I used coins, it was the closest and easiest thing I could find at the time.  Rocks would work too.  Even sand if your pot doesn't have holes.  Coins worked for me - bonus birthday gift, right?
7. Place the topiary in the pot.
8. Cut and place flowers at the base of the topiary.  I used floral pins to stick them in the foam, they worked GREAT.
9. Stand back and look at your creation- it is super cute and super easy!

Emileigh's room is decorated in Minnie Mouse theme, so this looks really cute sitting on her dresser.  I am really pleased with how it turned out.

The Dress was made by my grandmother.  I was happy with the way it turned out, however it hung a little strange for my liking.  Next time, we'll try a different style.  It was cute for the theme though.  We used the same ribbon on Minnie's bow on the dress and the topiary.  Keeping it in sync. HA.

The cupcakes were made by the bakery down the street.  Simply frosted with white icing and I added mini-oreos and pink ribbons for decorations.  I couldn't find any candy bows that I thought looked pretty enough for my princess, so I tied two dozen pink ribbon bows thirty minutes before the party.  It worked out.  Everyone knew to pull them off and pitch them, but my good ole grandpa.  He wanted to make a scene... it wouldn't be a party without him :)

Here are a few of my FAV pics from the party.

a typical fall day 2011

My grandparents are the biggest influences in my life.  They were my rock the entire time I was growing up, and still to this day, I immediately feel at home when I enter Slick and pull down the street to their house.

When they are gone (I can't even imagine) I know that I will never feel the same about Slick, or the little white house on Pershing street.  What makes that place feel like home, are the two people who live there.

My grandpa is the kindest person I know.  I'm sure there are a TON of stories that I don't know, but I that's the way I like it :)

When I was a little girl, I used to beg to stay at their house any time I could.  I'll admit, my grandpa always seemed a bit old to me.  The reality is, they weren't.  I can sit and think of my most cherished memories of him, and they always seem to be spent outside.  Grandpa would let me go with him to feed the dogs, then we would race back to the house.  I can remember, as I got older, he would run faster in order to teach me that I couldn't always win.  Looking back, I know how hard it was for him to let me win.  You see, Shelton's do not just let people win at anything.

My grandparents were at every softball game and dance recital that I ever played in that were in a 100 mile radius of their house.  EVERY ONE

When I was a little girl, my grandpa would help me climb up on the gate between lots at their house.  Once I was adjusted just right, he would push me through the openings.  I can remember coming in the house with sore and wind-burned cheeks from playing outside so long.

Can you even imagine how I felt, when I witnessed this:

I just stood there, watching my baby girl swing on the gate with my papa.  The same gate I swung on 30 years earlier.  The same strong hands pushing the gate.

The same smile on his face.

When we walked back to the house, Emileigh wanted to hold our hands....   Needless to say, I'll never ever forget this moment the rest of my life.

TESTING

Testing

It's about time.

I used to be a crafty person.  I scrapbooked, made some simple quilts, got into the bow making craze.  This was all before we had children and my free time disappeared.  Maybe it was before facebook hooked me.  I'm not sure, however, I lost my mojo a long time ago.  I used to have all of the latest gadgets and paper and embellishments.  I had enough product to fill a dang room.  My problem: I spent more time organizing the stuff, then actually creating.

Fast forward six years or so, and that creative side is trying to make a comeback.  I surf blogs and message board gallaries and think- Hmmm maybe I could get back into (whatever it is I'm looking at). 

I stumbled upon etsy- and while that was pretty exciting- I'm not confident that I could actually sell my creations.  Although, that is really my dream!

So, my crafty-ness continued to stay boxed up hidden in a closet upstairs.  Once a week- sending SOS messages to my heart.

Oh- I guess I should throw in the fact that since October 2010, I have been a stay at home mom.  We went from a two income family to quickly (and suddenly) a one income family of not two, but four.  Needless to say, purchasing anything for fun was out of the question.  So, as time passed by, and items were changing, I just let them change... and I was left in the dust. 

Somehow it felt a bit ironic that I was an avid scrapbooker before we had babies, yet when they tots arrived- I stopped. 

About a month ago, I was surfing a scrapbooking message board and clicked on a thread titled "Pinterest invite needed." I'm a sucker for the latest internet fad, so I jumped on the boat and requested one for myself.

Let me tell you, this has brought my mojo back in full force.  Basically, it is a website where you "pin" pictures to virtual pin boards which in turn are shared with your followers.  It's not the typical facebook or twitter social network, although it has certain twitter aspects.  You just look through pictures and if you like it, or are inspired by something, you just pin it to the corresponding board of your choice.  Currently, I have 50 boards!! 

Here is my pinterest address:  http://pinterest.com/jentaylor03/

If you need an invite, put your email address in the comment section below.  I'll get an email sent with an invite included.

In the meantime- I'm off to clean out a closet upstairs to I can get crafty again.  I have found a couple of pictures online for some space inspiration.

love the built ins on this.

The shoe holders are genious

What ideas do you have for my crafty closet?

 

Me, Too!

Emileigh will be two in less than two months.  She is such a sweet, sweet, little girl.  She loves her baby doll, she loves to help mom, and she loves to keep her brother in line.  She follows Blayne around everywhere and when he is doing something she thinks she can do better... she usually does.

She is just starting to talk more.  She is much more of a listener, sit back and watch kinda gal.  However, when Blayne answers a question, or tells a story about something he loves (which is most things), there is always a little sweet voice that quickly follows... "me, too!!" 


Such a sweet blessing, she is. 

Edema of the Uvula: Case of the swollen hangy down thingy.

Life can change in the blink of an eye.  Everyone knows that phrase, many have lived that phrase.  Eye blinks can be good, more often, they are spoken of the bad.  This week, we lived it... or almost lived it.

I am back to being a stay at home mom (for another post) so this weekend, I went to my grandparent's to help out (also for another post).  I needed to run to Tulsa for some errands Monday morning, and since Kevin worked Sunday, we thought it would be a good idea for him to stay at home Monday and get some much needed rest.  My full day ended up being shorter than we all expected, so when errands were finished, I grabbed the kids and we came home.

I did my best to keep the TaylorTots awake on the drive, because I had big plans to catch a nap with them once we made it home.  My plan worked beautifully, we sang songs, played "I spy", and even endured the occasional emileigh fit :) 

I pulled in the driveway at 1:45 and gave explicit instructions to, "get your heiney's up those stairs, to your beds, and DO NOT WAKE DADDY!!!"  My spawn perfect angels managed to mind those instructions perfectly, and ten minutes later, I was entering our dark bedroom with my pillow in hand.  I tossed the pillow on the bed, and Kevin roused.  He said, "hey, what time is it?" and cleared his throat.  I mentioned something about the kids going down for a nap, and the house felt wonderfully cool and my head hit the pillow.  Kevin said something about his throat feeling sore, and got up to get a drink.  The next 30 minutes were C.R.A.Z.Y.

Kevin went to the kitchen and said, "it feels like I have something hanging in my throat..."  He went to the bathroom to look at his throat, and immediately came into the bedroom looking for his phone.  He needed a light (I was ticked ...again, another blog) his voice had considerably changed and he sort of said, "Jennifer! My hangy down thing is really swoolen!!" 

**Side note- I love my husband, he knows that that piece of tissue at the back of the throat between the tonsils is called an uvula, but he also knew that I would have looked at him like he had a third head if he used that term.. so in his time of need, he used the more technical term: hangy-down-thingy.**

I jumped out of bed, because, if you know kevin, he doesn't panic about anything, and there was complete panic in his changed voice.  I swear to god, it looked like a thumb was sticking straight out of his mouth from the back of the throat.  His uvula was literally laying on his tongue.  He was gagging and gasping.  I said, "we are going to the hospital, get dressed!!"  He said something about already doing that.  I got on the phone and called my brother who came to watch the kids (who were sleeping soundly) and off to the hospital we went.

Kevin insisted that he didn't have any trouble breathing, but the next day, retracted that statement.  It was so scary.  We got to the ER by 2:20 and he was given benadryl and prednisone to counteract the allergic reaction going on.  Kevin drank a quarter of a bottle (well, maybe not that much but a lot) of children's benadryl before we left, so he was pretty drunk.  His uvula went down, his tongue turned black and blue, and about six hours later, we came home.  Apparently, he is allergic to ACE inhibitors.  Who knew blood pressure medication could KILL YOU!??  Especially, after taking it for 18 months before Monday.

The nurses, doctors, and medics all got their jabs in, once they found out Kev was going to be okay.  However, it was so refreshing, as a wife, to see just how much my husband is loved.  Everyone came by to see how he was, and to volunteer to be the one to do the next embaressing procedure, if needed.

He slept the entire rest of the night and the next day woke up a little groggy.  We talked about how scary that was and then talked about the what if's  You know.. What If I didn't come home?  What if it would have cut off his oxygen.... godforbid anything happen to my family.  I'm so thankful he is okay... What a scary experience for us. 

Thankfully- our blink of an eye story, just ended up being a good blog post.  It served to get my blogging juices running again.  I'm not sure what I would have done if it had worked out differently.
So- to celebrate kevin living another day... we did what any good guy does: We went to McNellies and had a few brews :) 

Dear Blayne

Dear Blayne,

     Today, we made brownies together and took them to Daddy and the guys he works with.  While we were on the way to deliver them, you were talking away about everything you could think about, and about as fast as you could think about it.   You are changing so fast, buddy.  I'm so excited to watch you grow up, but at the same time, it makes me sad that I am not allowed a pause button. 
     You keep Daddy and me cracking up.  I always said you would be as witty as your daddy.  I am pretty sure, you won't make a liar out of me on that.  Depending on your mood, I can be "Ruby-mommy" while you are "Max-Blayne."  You turn me into a dragon when you want me to chase you.... "Oh no!!! Here comes dragon mommy!  Run Emileigh!!!" 
     Your imagination is amazing.  You pretend to be robot Blayne  and everyone else in the house is expected to be robots as well.  You get tired of us, you just come up and pull the lever to shut us down.  If it were only that easy.
     You are adding words to your vocabulary daily, and phrases that use to be difficult, seem to roll off of your tongue.  You are quick to say "No fank you" when you don't want something, and just as quick to say "I'm sorry" when you feel you are just about to get into trouble.  However cute it is, you like to say, "it was just an acks-a-dent, momma" when you know you should be in trouble.  Most of the time, you get out of it though :)
     You love to play with Levi, next door.  In fact, you call him your best friend.  You think that everyone is our best friend, so innocent baby.  I hope you have a lifetime filled with best friends. 
    You sing like an angel when you allow me the opportunity to hear.  You carry the correct tune and it warms my soul to hear it.  You always ask me to sing with you... I am sure that will soon change.  I can't carry a tune in a bucker, buddy.  But until you forbid me from singing, I will join you joyfully. 
     You have such a sweet spirit, love.  If you think I am upset about something, you quickly say, "it's okay momma.  It will be okay."  It breaks my heart that you are so thoughtful.  If something is wrong with sissy, you come find me... "momma, girl is mad- help her." 
    You have a temper.  You love to play outside and the park is your favorite adventure.  You would live at Honor Height's park if we would let you.  Your second favorite thing to do is pick up rocks and sticks and throw them in the water.  You could do this for days.
   Yesterday, we went to Pettit Bay at Lake Tenkiller in Tahlequah.  You were so unhappy when we loaded up to head home.  You cried and cried.  It made me sad.  Daddy and I talked about when we were little and our parent's made us do something we didn't want to do, or understand why we had to do it.  I hate that you felt that yesterday, but you made up for it.  I was trying to console you and you quickly said, "NOT TALK TO ME ANYMORE, MOMMA!"  I am sure when you are 15, my reaction will be much different, however it was super cute.
     I love you, little man.  I love you more than I could ever imagine loving anyone in my entire life.  I hope that you will feel that before you have your own children... My wish is that when you are grown, you will know your parent's loved you with everything we have.  I look forward to more "Blayne-isms" and many, many more laughs. 
                     

                                                                                                                                       love,    Mom :)

Weekend Update:

Today marks two full weeks I have been back to work.  I feel alive again, Saturday's feel like Saturday and I feel like I am contributing to society again.  I haven't had to worry about the TaylorTots, they have been able to spend a lot of extra time with Daddy, and they are in heaven.

I am so thankful for the time I spent at home with them, as babies. 

I started working at LinkAmerica in 2004- I have been through a LOT of changes, yet going back last week was really strange.  There were a lot of old faces, but so many new faces.  Such a shock.  LinkAmerica is known for changing things internally... I'm ready for the ride.  It was a nice two year break.

Kevin and I bought a new car last week.  We ended up with a Chevy Malibu.  After fueling the expedition and shelling out $96.00 for three days worth of commuting, something had to give.  So far, we have had it a week and a couple of days, put almost 900 miles on it, and have only put $80.00 in the fuel tank.  SCORE.

My family is blended meaning when dad got remarried, I gained three sisters.  They are amazing women who I love dearly.  Last week, they lost their cousin in a very, very tragic accident.  She was 19ish.  My heart broke watching various facebook posts.  If you are a spiritual person, please keep the them in your prayers.  Amanda, Megan, and Katie- Love you three.

I stopped playing Farmville this week!  I start summer school on June 6th and decided school, work, family, and summer was more important. 

Im going to sign off for now, I have two perfect little Taylor's who are playing upstairs.  I think I hear cartoons calling my name :)

Hi hoooooo, Hi hoooooooo.... Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go...

Three weeks after Emileigh was born, I went back to work. Two weeks after that... I quit.



Tomorrow, I return.

I have such mixed feelings.  I am nervous, I am anxious, I am excited... I am scared I will miss my kids.  I will miss living in "comfortable clothing" and sleeping at convenient times. 

I am excited about getting back into the real world.  I am excited about contributing financially to this family once again.  I am excited that Kevin will get to spend more time with the kids.

The good totally outweighs the bad, and I know in a week, I will be over the anxiety. 

I am going back to LinkAmerica.  They called, we met, we stuck a deal.  I will have a ton of flexibility, with is the major point in my going back to work.  

Let's face it.  Link is what I know.    I have no problem working with truckers, or customers, or maintaince, or cranky people. 

it's the damn spreadsheets that kick my ass!

The Squeeze

Growing up, my parents never taught me about money.  They didn't teach me good things, and they didn't teach me bad things.  In fact, we never  talked about money.

My parents argued all of the time.  I really can't remember when they liked each other.  I don't remember ever knowing exactly what they were arguing about, but I suspect now, it had a lot to do with money, or the lack there of.

My grandmother always gave me money when she came over to see us.  I can remember finding money in books that she bought me, money slid in my hand when she would hold it, money slipped in my jacket pockets.  This happened until she realized that I would take that money and put it in my mother's purse.  Mom would always seem so thankful, and for a minute... I felt loved.

My mother would take us to the grocery store on payday and we would peruse the aisles choosing whatever we wished and would throw it in the basket.  every two weeks.  Cookies, chips, snacks, pop, candy, etc.  Never would she have a list, never would she have a menu, never would she have any plan at all.  She would never ever, ever, ever  look at a price.  It was food, we needed it, she would buy it.

My dad would never mention it (in front of me) and as long as he had enough money for gas to get to work and lunches (he always packed) he was happy.  He never gave me money, never bought me things, or rewarded me with money.  It just didn't happen.

Fast forward to today.

I am a financial nightmare.  there, I said it... OUTLOUD!!!

I have no concept of money.  To me, it is just paper that is used to buy things I want and sometimes things I need.  If I run out, we will get more.  I can't take it with me, right?

Yes, I know how stupid that sounds.  I really do.  However, this is all I know and this is all I have ever known.   Remember, I wasn't taught.  That is not to be an excuse, but well... it is what it is.

Kevin and I have really been talking a lot about our finances.  Our feelings about what we each want to be able to do, and how to get there.  For example, Kevin is currently studying for the MCAT, which means medical school is on the horizon.  In order for that to happen, we must get our act together and get something ironed out and in place.  I don't believe that I need to provide each and everything that my kids want or will ask for, but I do believe it is my job to provide most of those things.

All of that to say, I am researching budgeting systems.  How strict, what kind, etc.


To be Continued...

Walking away.

worst blogger ever- checking in  :)


Last week, I received a message that one of my previous drivers was in an accident and died.  He was young, crazy, loud, full of life, and I immediately missed him.  He and his wife both had their CDL and drove as a team. Whenever we needed anything to be delivered the next day, we would call the Cross'.   It was such a sad day to hear of this tragedy.

I am the person who wears my emotions on my sleeve.  What you see, is what you get.  I fight hard when I need to fight.  I play hard when I need to play.  Unfortunately, when I am tired, or confused, or sad, or scared, or embarrassed -  I walk away.

I walked away after high school.  I knew I wouldn't be attending college like all of my friends would be, so I just cut off communication.  I would stay in Slick and not call anyone.  I found someone who I thought made me happy, and spent 100% of my time with him.  We were so young, and both looking for something the other would never be able to provide.  So... we got married.

My two closest childhood friends were in my wedding.  I went almost 10 years from that day without talking to her.  I just walked away.

I knew I didn't want to get married, but I didn't know how to say so.

When we ended our relationship- I moved to Tahlequah.  I moved to my parents house, looking for something they should have given me from day one, but never would.  Unconditional love. My mother convinced me to take out student loans, apply to NSU, and live in the dorms.  Sounded great to me :)  A fresh new start, right?

I started college as a 20 year old freshman who had been married, divorced, worked, and experienced bills.  I could not connect with the other students I was grouped with.  My parents were friends with the housing coordinator, and thought they were doing me a favor by giving me a single room with no roommate.  Looking back- that only added to the feelings of solitude.
I fought- but in the end... I quit.  I left.  I ran away.  I didn't even take the time to withdraw from my classes.
I walked away.

Fast forward to my life now.  I haven't walked from some tough things.  There are times I should have walked, but didn't :)

That was, until October 2010.  I walked away from LinkAmerica.

I had worked at Link for 7 years.  I loved my job, I loved the people with whom I worked for, both drivers and management.  I loved my customers, both drivers and companies.  I worked very hard and worked my way up to a management position, which was very difficult without a bachelors degree and being a woman.  LinkAmerica was my family.
One day, I was asked to complete an assignment.  I was asked to compile the financials for the previous day. A 24 hour P&L snapshot so to speak.  I felt I could do it, I attempted it.  It was wrong.  I emailed the wrong statement to the entire management and looked like a fool.   I received an email from the VP, at the time feeling like a virtual slap.  I hit my wall.   I walked.

I haven't been back to LinkAmerica since the day I walked out of the doors.
I miss my family.
I miss my job.
I miss my best friend who I haven't even texted back.

I went 14 months before even adding anyone from there to my Facebook account.  I just walked away, buried it in my mind and went on with life.

Then Randy died.

I saw some of the people who I walked away from, they smiled.  When the service was over, they came up to me and asked how I was doing.  They asked questions and were interested in the answers.


I am struggling today. I am struggling with the fact that I walked away.  That I seem to walk.
I like to believe that I wear my feelings on my sleeve, that I am an open book.  I am not.  There is a lot inside that needs to come out.

What a heavy post to start back with.... maybe it's what needs to happen?

So, I updated my blog header... and thought I had better update my blog while I was at it.

Blayne turns three in less than two weeks.  I can't even begin to explain how strange that sounds to me.  Blayne was 18 months old when Emileigh was born, in a few days, she will be the same age. She is still my little baby, he is my big boy.  I can't even imagine what my life would be about either of them.  Blayne made me a mother, Emileigh finished the job.