The one about faith

I'm the girl who is able to see both sides of an argument.  In fact, there are many times when I start to argue one side, forget, and switch to the other side.  It's a trait.  It comes in handy when meeting new people, however, I am at a major disadvantage when I'm trying to convince my husband that I need to be right.

This trait has allowed me to be very open with different people's religious views.  Notice I didn't really say faith :)  To me, faith is personal.  It isn't something most people are able to explain, it just is.


I have been able to attend many different churches and really get something from each, because of this little trait.

My grandmother is the first person to drag my rear inside a church.  We attended the Slick First Baptist Church in, you guessed it, Slick, Oklahoma.  If I close my eyes and allow myself to go back there, I can still smell the old building.  I know exactly where Flora sat (next to the sunday school room that allowed you to sneak out of the sanctuary, back where children's church was held... they had cookies there!) I know that gram would have mint gum, ink pens, and a stern look if I was loud.  Church was where I learned to draw, pass notes, learn that sometime people should just lip sing, or whisper (ME!),  and that grown men would sometimes cry, and that was okay, we just didn't talk about it.  I took the walk down the aisle when I was six or seven, wanting to make my grandmother proud.  I'll NEVER forget the look on her face when I looked into the congregation after reciting the sinner's prayer.  She was crying...and smiling...and laughing.  All three.  You know, like the Trinity. :)  The song Karen played, "I have decided to follow Jesus" still stops me in my tracks when I hear it.  Still.

We moved away from this area when I was in the seventh grade.  I attended baptist churches in New Mexico, Utah, and Purcell Oklahoma before landing back in Slick for my senior year.

While in Utah, I was lucky enough to not get beat up when I called one of the Temple's a "big house" and even attempted to sneak into one or two while at softball tournaments.  I would sit in the back of the athletic bus and talk to the girls for miles and miles about what we believed to be true.  I was so interested.  Our beliefs are so, so, so SO SO SO different.  So interesting at the same time :)

When I came back to Bristow, I attended the advent christian church.  again, very different from my foundation, but I learned to love differences and loved the people, so I really couldnt see how it was wrong, right?

As I grew older, though... religion started to make my mouth sour.  I'm not a religious person.  I don't believe in labels.  To me, if you believe the basics (what Jesus taught) then, the small details are okay. I mean, really... baptists, southern baptists, have only been around since the civil war... but CHRISTIANS have been around...well, a few years longer.

***Sorry to be jumping around... I'm getting to my point...***

When my family, TeamTaylor, moved back to Bristow, my #1 goal was to get my kiddos to Sunday School.  I wasn't confident that I could teach them about Jesus.  Not the way they need.  The foundation they need.

At first, I didn't care who, where, when, anything... we just needed to find a church family.  Then, the unthinkable happened to one of my oldest friends and I ended up sitting in a big beautiful church listening to her preacher talk to a capacity-filled sanctuary about the love of Jesus and the pain of life.  I knew in that moment, where my family would be spending our Sunday mornings.

At the time, I was only thinking of my children.  Kevin works on Sunday, and I didn't care much about me.

A few weeks ago, I started a bible study with some of the women, led by one of the sweetest people in Creek County.  The book we are reading, becoming more than a good bible study girl, by Lysa TerKeurst, is FREAKING AMAZING...OHMYGOSH

She explains in the book (we are only on ch. 4) that
* sometimes you have to give stuff up that you have been holding onto to allow God to work. 
* things are most often idols (Whaaa?)
* trust.  Trust.  TRUST.



I type ALL of that above to say this....  today, God was here with us.  We got rid of our brand new, 11 miles when we bought it, car.  When we did, we didn't know what we were going to do, we just knew that we couldn't continue to afford it.  We just couldn't.
Today, we were able to purchase a new (to us :) ) car, which is so much better than our one year old car we just had to have.
Today, we are back to a two car family... with no lein holders.


I can look back on my life, and see where God is.  Whether or not I chose to acknowledge him, he was there.  He guided me where I need to be, let me fall FLAT on my face, allowed me to suffer great heartbreak, and get fat.  He also has made sure, because I truly believe, that I stayed on the right path.  Well, Him and grandma teamed up on that one.

I know that this blog is long... I just needed to get it all out there, tonight.

If you are in Bristow, or close.  Please allow me to bring you with me to church one Sunday.  I can promise, you will come back.  We can even sit in the back, where good baptists sit!  You can even wear...jeans!



Six Pounds Down

Where did I go?!!  I'm still here... life has just thrown us a loop (as it usually does when you start something good).  I started going to weight watcher's meetings last Thursday (July 12) and the first meeting, I put up a weight loss of six (6) pounds.  While everyone was super excited, I was just okay. 
I know that six pounds is a big deal... I could have gained it, right?  I know that I spend last Saturday with a group of girls that included certain beverages and an amazing dinner.  All in all, I lost six pounds.  I guess, I just wish that I had never put myself in this position.  I'm frustrated with everything that I have held back for so long.  I am frustrated that I turned into a different person and ran instead of facing it. 

I'm happy for the first six pounds.  I am.  I'm more excited about the fact that it's a start in the right direction.

57 - 63 - 55 - 17 - 31

57 - 63 - 55 - 17 - 31 


What I am about to do... is maybe one of the toughest things I've ever done.  Actually, this is probably THE toughest things I've ever done.  I've thought about this blog post for three years.  Maybe, longer than that?  The thing is, tonight, I'm just sitting on my bed, indian style, with my bible, my camera, my iPhone, and my dog, Bobo... and letting the words go from my mind to my fingers across this computer keyboard.  

I'm not sure that much will make sense.  I am pretty sure that I will read this and fight the urge to delete it in a week.  I hope that I will be strong enough to keep it alive.  I hope that find the strength to keep this journey alive.  Because, well... I am doing it not only for myself, but for two little amazing little people.  Two little people that call me mom.


Growing up, I was always a picky eater.  Food, that is supposed to be good for you, doesn't taste the same to me as it does most of the population.  I was always a thin girl, I can remember my grandpa warning me that I was going to dry up and blow away.  

When I hit puberty, I gained weight.  I was always a little taller than most of the girls in my class, and was fit.  I played softball like it was the only thing that kept me breathing for much of my life before I turned 20.  I played Volleyball to keep in shape for basketball season, then played Basketball so I would be ready for softball season.  It was a cycle.  One that afforded me the luxury to eat the chips and Pepsi for lunch.  

For most of my life... this is what people saw when they looked at me:

Christmas 1997

Softball 1997 Senior Year

8th grade I was 14 


When I was 17 I had shoulder surgery.  We were in Purcell, Oklahoma at the time.  I ended up missing most of softball season that year and basketball season.  I was pretty devastated.  I had dreamed of trying out for the jr. Olympic softball team when I turned 18, and to me... the dream was gone.  My softball coach from Utah flew into Oklahoma and worked with me.  She showed me conditioning drills, strength drills, and really just got into my head and helped me to see that anything was possible.  I worked really hard and ended up playing my senior year.  

Unfortunately- life throws us curve balls and even though we are watching the ball, and we swing with the most perfect mechanics, we still miss and strike out.  My third strike came on December 1st, 1997.  I injured my achilles tendon on my right foot.  Not only did I end my athletic career, I gave up on a lot more.

I started to gain weight...


Slowly at first... but before I had graduated high school, I had gained 25 pounds.  For the first time, I was pretty concerned about my weight.  I remember sitting in my grandma's living room talking about it with her and the guy I was dating.  I said, I really need to lose 30 pounds... He bet me that I would gain 20 before I lost it.  (REALLY???? If I had the ability to go back in time, I would kick him in his... KNEE)  I don't know how it happened, but those words stayed with me... and before I knew it, he was right.  

That was in 1999.  

13 years later... here I sit.  Finally ready to do something about it.  Only, 25 pounds is the least of my worries.










57 - 63 - 55 - 17 - 31

No, those numbers aren't lottery numbers.  Those numbers my friends, are measurements.  My measurements.   

I am going to try and blog my journey though this weight loss/lifestyle change journey.  I hope that those of you that come to this blog, do so with prayers, support, and tips.  Please, leave your comments... I'd love to know that you are getting something out of this.

I'm going to post some "before" pictures.  they really are just current shots, because today is my before.  
I took these, well, kevo snapped them, right after we did the insanity fit test.  You know, insanity....

While I worried about my hair... after looking at them, I know that isn't what you are going to notice.











Sad, right?  Even worse:
  • Waist  -  57"
  • Hips   -  63"
  • Chest  -  55.5"
  • Arms -  17"
  • Thighs  31"

Oh- and the weight...



I weigh three hundred, twenty-six pounds.  



I'm going to need a lot of help, support, water, everything.  The accountability is my blog.  I hope this journey will inspire others.  



This is what I see when I dream at night, you see I don't see myself as a fat girl.



This is what I hope to be able to do again... sooner than later :)