57 - 63 - 55 - 17 - 31

57 - 63 - 55 - 17 - 31 

What I am about to do... is maybe one of the toughest things I've ever done.  Actually, this is probably THE toughest things I've ever done.  I've thought about this blog post for three years.  Maybe, longer than that?  The thing is, tonight, I'm just sitting on my bed, indian style, with my bible, my camera, my iPhone, and my dog, Bobo... and letting the words go from my mind to my fingers across this computer keyboard.  

I'm not sure that much will make sense.  I am pretty sure that I will read this and fight the urge to delete it in a week.  I hope that I will be strong enough to keep it alive.  I hope that find the strength to keep this journey alive.  Because, well... I am doing it not only for myself, but for two little amazing little people.  Two little people that call me mom.

Growing up, I was always a picky eater.  Food, that is supposed to be good for you, doesn't taste the same to me as it does most of the population.  I was always a thin girl, I can remember my grandpa warning me that I was going to dry up and blow away.  

When I hit puberty, I gained weight.  I was always a little taller than most of the girls in my class, and was fit.  I played softball like it was the only thing that kept me breathing for much of my life before I turned 20.  I played Volleyball to keep in shape for basketball season, then played Basketball so I would be ready for softball season.  It was a cycle.  One that afforded me the luxury to eat the chips and Pepsi for lunch.  

For most of my life... this is what people saw when they looked at me:

Christmas 1997

Softball 1997 Senior Year

8th grade I was 14 

When I was 17 I had shoulder surgery.  We were in Purcell, Oklahoma at the time.  I ended up missing most of softball season that year and basketball season.  I was pretty devastated.  I had dreamed of trying out for the jr. Olympic softball team when I turned 18, and to me... the dream was gone.  My softball coach from Utah flew into Oklahoma and worked with me.  She showed me conditioning drills, strength drills, and really just got into my head and helped me to see that anything was possible.  I worked really hard and ended up playing my senior year.  

Unfortunately- life throws us curve balls and even though we are watching the ball, and we swing with the most perfect mechanics, we still miss and strike out.  My third strike came on December 1st, 1997.  I injured my achilles tendon on my right foot.  Not only did I end my athletic career, I gave up on a lot more.

I started to gain weight...

Slowly at first... but before I had graduated high school, I had gained 25 pounds.  For the first time, I was pretty concerned about my weight.  I remember sitting in my grandma's living room talking about it with her and the guy I was dating.  I said, I really need to lose 30 pounds... He bet me that I would gain 20 before I lost it.  (REALLY???? If I had the ability to go back in time, I would kick him in his... KNEE)  I don't know how it happened, but those words stayed with me... and before I knew it, he was right.  

That was in 1999.  

13 years later... here I sit.  Finally ready to do something about it.  Only, 25 pounds is the least of my worries.

57 - 63 - 55 - 17 - 31

No, those numbers aren't lottery numbers.  Those numbers my friends, are measurements.  My measurements.   

I am going to try and blog my journey though this weight loss/lifestyle change journey.  I hope that those of you that come to this blog, do so with prayers, support, and tips.  Please, leave your comments... I'd love to know that you are getting something out of this.

I'm going to post some "before" pictures.  they really are just current shots, because today is my before.  

I took these, well, kevo snapped them, right after we did the insanity fit test.  You know, insanity....

While I worried about my hair... after looking at them, I know that isn't what you are going to notice.

Sad, right?  Even worse:

• Waist  -  57"
• Hips   -  63"
• Chest  -  55.5"
• Arms -  17"
• Thighs  31"

Oh- and the weight...

I weigh three hundred, twenty-six pounds.  

I'm going to need a lot of help, support, water, everything.  The accountability is my blog.  I hope this journey will inspire others.  

This is what I see when I dream at night, you see I don't see myself as a fat girl.

This is what I hope to be able to do again... sooner than later :)