i have this fear of making the wrong decision. its a little weird though, this only applies to my personal life decisions. i can be at work throwing decisions down on a dime... sigh.
the biggest decision of my life just happened:
stay at home with my beautiful babies or go back to work?
i have flip-flopped a million times. there are some situations at work that made the decision very easy two weeks ago. so easy, i convinced my sweet husband to move back to muskogee immediately and pick up 100 hours of overtime to compensate for my lack of salary. talk about a monkey wrench when i went to talk to the EVP on thursday and i came home with wanting to go back to work.
i work for a transportation company, you know, the big trucks that either you hate because they run you of the road or you love because you get behind them on the interstate and can afford to drive a little faster?
i work with those men and women who are behind the wheel. delivering the freight to our customers who expect it on time no exceptions. hurricane katrina? that was just a rainstorm... talk about a headache.
anyway- i digress.
those people behind the wheel. they have families at home. those people behind the wheel have children at home. children whom they sometimes do not see for weeks at a time, and when they do get home.. it could be for hours. hours that is spent buying food to replenish their pantry and doing 2 weeks worth of laundry. they should be out side playing catch with their children, watching barney... anything. instead, they are getting ready for the next run. because our customers expect that of us.
my customers expect that of me. you see, i have two sets of customers. those that pay me to pick up and deliver their freight to their customers, and those who actually do the work (drivers). my job directly affects so many people... i rock at it, and i don't want to leave!
then i have the two most beautiful babies in the WORLD. babies, i never thought i would have. doctors told me multiple times that i would never carry a baby. adoption was my only answer. those doctors suck. thank goodness.
so i had a decision. back to work, my career that i have worked my heiney off for, or stay at home with my precious babies.
for the last three days i have changed my mind so many times. written lists of pros and cons... cried in restaurants, cried while driving, cried when i held them.... dreamed about the decision i was about to make.
yesterday, i was made an offer. a really good offer. one that is going to make bigger changes to our lives...
it came down to one thing:
i have flip-flopped a million times. there are some situations at work that made the decision very easy two weeks ago. so easy, i convinced my sweet husband to move back to muskogee immediately and pick up 100 hours of overtime to compensate for my lack of salary. talk about a monkey wrench when i went to talk to the EVP on thursday and i came home with wanting to go back to work.
i work for a transportation company, you know, the big trucks that either you hate because they run you of the road or you love because you get behind them on the interstate and can afford to drive a little faster?
i work with those men and women who are behind the wheel. delivering the freight to our customers who expect it on time no exceptions. hurricane katrina? that was just a rainstorm... talk about a headache.
anyway- i digress.
those people behind the wheel. they have families at home. those people behind the wheel have children at home. children whom they sometimes do not see for weeks at a time, and when they do get home.. it could be for hours. hours that is spent buying food to replenish their pantry and doing 2 weeks worth of laundry. they should be out side playing catch with their children, watching barney... anything. instead, they are getting ready for the next run. because our customers expect that of us.
my customers expect that of me. you see, i have two sets of customers. those that pay me to pick up and deliver their freight to their customers, and those who actually do the work (drivers). my job directly affects so many people... i rock at it, and i don't want to leave!
then i have the two most beautiful babies in the WORLD. babies, i never thought i would have. doctors told me multiple times that i would never carry a baby. adoption was my only answer. those doctors suck. thank goodness.
so i had a decision. back to work, my career that i have worked my heiney off for, or stay at home with my precious babies.
for the last three days i have changed my mind so many times. written lists of pros and cons... cried in restaurants, cried while driving, cried when i held them.... dreamed about the decision i was about to make.
yesterday, i was made an offer. a really good offer. one that is going to make bigger changes to our lives...
it came down to one thing:
my babies are not going to daycare...no chance.
i cried some more, re-introduced myself to God, asked everyone i talked to what the answer was, changed my mind 5 more times... and finally it all fell into place.
we will be living in muskogee. the reason, family. to keep my kiddos out of daycare, i needed someone on the following schedule:
Monday- 5:30 Am to Noonish
Wednesday- 5:30 am to 6:pm ish
Thursday- 5:30 Am to Noonish
because i have the best family and the best friend in the entire world, i have all three covered. and the best part, no daycare. no worrying about pink eye, or stitches, or some idiot feeding my child cheese.
thank you.
thank you Rita, Amanda, Butch, and Leigh. you have allowed me to continue working, for now, and will give my sweet babies what they need. i love each of you, more today than ever. :)
sooo- that's what i have been doing.
back to the office monday morning. 7am. i can't wait.
we will be living in muskogee. the reason, family. to keep my kiddos out of daycare, i needed someone on the following schedule:
Monday- 5:30 Am to Noonish
Wednesday- 5:30 am to 6:pm ish
Thursday- 5:30 Am to Noonish
because i have the best family and the best friend in the entire world, i have all three covered. and the best part, no daycare. no worrying about pink eye, or stitches, or some idiot feeding my child cheese.
thank you.
thank you Rita, Amanda, Butch, and Leigh. you have allowed me to continue working, for now, and will give my sweet babies what they need. i love each of you, more today than ever. :)
sooo- that's what i have been doing.
back to the office monday morning. 7am. i can't wait.
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