Keepin it Real

I have a lot of people who read my blog, I'm lucky with that.  I find this avenue such a great way to vent, explain my thoughts, share my dreams, brag about my wonderful family, and speak exactly the thoughts that are on my mind.  Most of the things I put on this blog is for my children.  my children  You know, those two little TaylorTots I am so very lucky to share with Kevin.  This is the way I choose to journal with them, for them to read about our lives when they don't remember.  There isn't anyway possible for us to remember everything, so, this is what we have.  Our lives, my perspective.

It's sad that I have to write this, it's sad to me, anyway.

I want the world to understand that hurting anyone isn't, nor will ever be, my intention.  There are a lot of things that happen in our lives that are not written about.  The reason?  I'm so terribly afraid to hurt anyone's feelings.  I desperately try to please everyone I know. Shocking? Maybe.  Especially if you have ever worked with me.  ")  Life and work life are two completely separate lives to me... at work, I could care less if feelings were hurt.  It wasn't intentional, unless it was warranted.  I expected the people with whom I worked with, for, and who I was responsible for, to work hard and if I felt that anyone wasn't pulling their share (supervisors included) I always made it known.  The problem?  I lead with emotion and leave the logic at the door. I will tell you, though... having two little ones teach you to use logic very quickly.   However, unfortunately, this isn't about a coworker, it's my family.  And let's face it, family and friends are different.

I'm not sure what this is about... I think I've just kept it in for days and really, beside Kevin, I haven't put my feelings into any sort of comprehensible language.  This isn't going to make much sense either, however, it feels good to write. 

Last week, I was told that I have hurt my dad's feelings with this blog.  It wasn't my dad who told me, so that makes me feel a little bit better about the situation, but it still made me question the validity of what I am doing here.  Is it worth it?  

I have spend hours looking back over past blogs, past facebook updates, past everything.  I've looked at things through the eyes of others, though what I think my kids will see later on.  Honestly, the things I have written are all 100% honest and true.  There aren't any fabrications and I stand by everything I have written.  That being said, some of the stories in my life (like every other human in this world) aren't glamorous.  Some of them are really hard.  Guess what, those are the stories I really want to document, but haven't. Why?  because i dont want to hurt anyone.

I guess, at the end of writing this, and explaining what I believe can be explained... I'm good.  I'm good with the blog, I hope to continue writing, even the bad stuff.  This is MY BLOG, my place to document my perspective, and my place to be creative.  Unfortunately, if you read this and are offended, (which may happen) please email me or call me, immediately.  Do not wait days... do not make it about YOU, do not talk over me, and do NOT tell me that I am selfish.  Because, I am NOT.  I have two sweet little people who will tell you in 20 very short years, that their mother loves them with more than she has, and that YOU are the one who missed out.

To everyone else... Please, continue to text, twitter, facebook, and COMMENT.  It makes a girls confidence in this journey much stronger.  

Love to you ALL. (even you who find me via pinterest... just keepin it real)

Yeah!! I am ALIVE.

wow- it has been so long since I have been online, I almost forgot how to make a banner, or even remember my blogger password.

So much has happened, yet, so litle has happened at the same time.

We made it to muskogee, we are about 10 miles south toward Warner.  We are in the country, Kevin is stoked... all I can think about is the fact that snakes live in the country.  I brought a cat home from my grandparent's... maybe she will help keep them away. 

Staying home with the bambinos took some getting used to.  At first, I had no routine at all and they just about wore me down.  I had spent the last two years working about 65 hours a week at the office, and sadly, I didn't even know my son.  We have since remedied that issue.  It took a month or so to learn how to translate baby talk, but we got it down. 

We spend a lot of time watching the same movies over and over and over.... but we play a lot too. Blayne is learning his ABC's right now.  Its so much fun to watch him learn.  We know our colors, we can count to 6 then 10.  Somehow we forget about 7... lol 

Blayne and Emileigh have finally decided that it is fun to play with each other.  Well, Blayne has decided.  Em has always wanted to watch her big brother. He facinates her.  She will laugh out loud at him at such random times.  I love it.

Today is our anniversary.  Starting that 7 year itch.  wish us luck!

I have so much to talk about, I just don't have the time... I promise to update more!

Whew... a long one. Updated.

So much going on... and I haven't blogged. Sorry!!

Let's pick up where I left. We went to the doctor two weeks ago (almost) and were given the news baby Emileigh has too much water floating around with her. I came this close to having a full out panic attack (thanks to google) but after a couple of days, decided what will be will be. I chilled.

That was Thursday, on Friday Dr Parks called and said that EmJ's bladder and kidneys looked good and stay off of google. She reminded me that she would be on Vaca the next week and if I were to go into labor it would be okay with her. Plth.

Saturday my girlfriend Leigh came up and we had pedicures. AWESOME- and then watched the OU BYU game. Ewww. Funny thing: I was petrified that my water would break while getting my toes done, so I refused to go to Walmart. Leigh and I went to this little place right by the house (right off of Riverside next to Camilles) and settled in to pampering bliss. I was doing just fine until the massage chair started thumping my lower back. I am sure that we were the topic of some funny conversations while we tried to figure out how to turn that thing OFF.
It was trying to beat the kid out of me... sheesh. Oh well, way worth it and my toes are painted to boot.

Sunday came, Kevin went to work and Grandma came to stay. She, for the last six weeks, has been coming on Wednesday's and Sunday's to stay with Blayne and me while Kevo went to work. Such a nice blessing. She does laundry and cooks and does all that stuff... LOVE IT, WILL MISS IT.

Monday was Labor day, we hung out and did absolutely nothing.... I became a little nervous knowing that my Doctor was officially off for the week.

Thursday came and with it brought my stupid birthday. I was really looking forward to getting to see the doctor and getting the non-stress test done that was ordered the week before. I woke up bright and early 7am and called the hospital. I was shut down before I could get half of my request out. NO ROOM AT THE INN! At 1130, I called back (as requested by the super hateful inn keeper from earlier) and was told NO. Ms. Nice (or heiney) was kind enough to tell me "they can do that procedure in the doctor's office!"
I hung up, and cried. My hormones are way out of wack and I really just want some assurance this little girl is okay.

I had to wait until 2pm to see the doctor and time went sllllooooooooooow. I got to the office and after the long walk was contracting. I sat down in front of "new nurse" and she proceeded to ask me if I wanted a Flu shot... Ugh- NO. I want nothing but to know my baby is okay. She then asked me if I wanted to be Checked. I am sure I looked at her like she was Shrek because her reaction was priceless. I simply said "Sure, I have no idea what I want... I have never been this far before... aren't YOU the one in charge?"

She laughed (I think she wanted to punch me) and I watched her proceed into an exam room. I went to the bathroom to leave a little urine in the cup (TOTALLY DIFFERENT POST TO COME) and moseyed my way to the room.

When I arrived, I didn't notice an ultrasound machine. Nurse walked in and I asked, "am I not getting an ultrasound?" She replied "ugh, no" to which I came this close again to a meltdown. I explained that is the only reason I was there and something about too much fluid and well...she quickly left the room to chat with the doctor.

3 seconds later she returned and took me to Dr. Razdon's ultrasound room. Whew.

During the ultrasound, I was lost. I am used to Dr. Parks' machine and can usually read the estimates. This machine was ancient and didn't give them. I asked if she could tell me how much she weighed and was told NO. "Dr parks didn't ask me to do that" WHAT??? Are you effing kidding me? I started to melt again, on the inside... but got over it pretty quickly. I decided Dr. Razdon was pretty cool. I explained my fear of a C-section and she put my mind at semi-ease.

I did get an induction date of September 15th and asked to arrive at 05:00! Due to the whole earlier episode with the inn keeper at St. Francis, Dr. Razdon advised not to call ahead, just show up. I laughed. She did a bio-physical profile of the baby and decided we looked pretty darn good.

I came home, and got ready for Blayne to go stay with my Dad and Rita (papa and doodah) and get ready for a long awaited dinner out. It was my birthday after all :)

Blayne stayed in Muskogee until Saturday. Yesterday was a typical Sunday with Gram, and today has been spent doing any last minute things. Like Blogging. HA.

Blayne went to Slick with Meemaw and will stay there until we come home... I am FREAKING OUT.

I think that waiting 6 weeks then getting an induction is way worse than having your water spontaneously bust...

I'll update more later!

What!! A post??? HA!

It's been way too long, my poor neglected blog. I just can't think of anything with substance to write about. Or when I do, I am away from a computer and just don't take the time.
When I was a kid, I used to write in a journal- its fun to go back and look at the ones that have followed me through life. Some things I read I turn red from embarrassment, others I go right back to the time and place as if I had just lived it. Boyfriends, heartbreaks, moves, arguments, trials, wins, hopes and dreams - we all remember those times.

I have this journal that when you open the back, there are little colored dots all over the back. You know, the kind of dots you used to price garage sale items? Oh hell- These:


So anyway- I would take them and put them on the back of my journal and then write as small as I could the name of my friend and their phone number. Yes, this was back before everyone and their 2year old had cell phones...when we actually remembered phone numbers, used a phone book and could call someone to get us out of Jail by memory.

i digress..

The funny thing, there were names on the little dots of people I can't for the life remember. And funnier, there are names of people I secretly wanted to know- you know, the cool older crowd. I spent a lot of time wondering when I moved away what exactly I was missing and what the cool kids would end up to be. Its funny to actually now, know.


Moving on... tomorrow is the first day of my third-trimester. People- we are getting down to the wire. I am absolutely not ready at all. On a serious note, I really just need bottles, diapers, and wipes, formula, and butt paste... but I want all of the cutsie girl stuff. I just have no place to store it. I suppose I will make a trip to wal-mart and invest in some plastic cubes. Not the best option, but useful for storage later.


Work has been a handful- I am just hoping the light at the end of the tunnel isn't the train.

My little brother went through a program last summer for a number of different reasons, it helped him become a better guy and for that it was worth all of the trouble. One of the projects he was assigned was to journal the earliest memory he had then journal one page for ever year of his life thereafter. I believe that is the direction I will go with this blog. Lord knows I have a LOT to say and need to get written. I am hoping that it will be a cleansing- as well as something I can look back on in 5 years and see a different angle, much like the journaling I began this post with. Hang in there with me, I am sure that I won't keep up with daily posts and will definately deter and have to find my way back on the correct route, but at least I have a plan.

If you are completely bored- just move on. But accept my sincerest apologies. It is my greatest fear not to get stories journaled for my children, especially if the unimaginable happens with their mother. I always want my kids to know that they are loved and where their momma came from.

Now... to find a clever catchy name.....

I'll post a couple of pics of Blayne- I haven't in a few:


Sleeping:

Bathing:

And last but not least... my two favorite boys....

Vacation is over

Over- I will be back in the office tomorrow morning 730 bright and early. I have plenty to blog about, so instead of doing that tonight, I will update tomorrow. After I read 2500 emails I am sure.

2.12.2009

I love to read blogs. Blogs written by people I know, and those who I will never encounter in this lifetime. I love to hear what they say, what they think, agree or not...It's fun.

I also like to watch people. Set me up in the middle of the mall, state fair, or McDonalds. I love to watch people. I get so engrossed with their body language and conversations (if I can hear) that I forget that I am visible. Kevin always warns me that I am going to get beat up... but I can't stop myself. Maybe that's why I love blogs so much. I can peak into someone's life and get a pretty good read without them beating me up.

Don't get me started on Big Brother- I LOVE THAT SHOW. 24/7 people watching and no violence to me.

Blayne has been sick- this kid is HIGH MAINTENANCE! Poor guy. He came down with the stomach virus that has been going around. That and adding yet another ear infection, with tubes mind you, made this a very long week. I have stayed home with him everyday... hopefully I am still employed tomorrow after returning to work. I work for a bunch of men who don't have a clue what their wives do for their children.... that's another post. Sorry.

Anyway- Yesterday we woke up to spots all over Blayne. I immediately thought chicken pox and freaked a little. We quickly called the doctor (who is the greatest by the way!) and drove him over. Dr. Baker took 1 look...a very long look and decided that it was just a viral rash. Thank goodness, this morning it was much better. I was so worried we were going to have chicken pox in the mouth and throat due to Blayne's need to suck on his two fingers at all times.
Tomorrow Blayne will be spending the day in Muskogee with his Doo-Dah (grandma Rita) and will come home completely spoiled!

The other kiddo is still hanging in there. We go to the doctor one week from today to find out how far along we are and estimate a due date. Being that I have no regularity to cycles, I have NO IDEA when she (I am referring to the baby as a she.... wishful thinking) made her appearance. I am guessing 12 weeks, Kevin cheated and guessed 13. You know, closest without going over... plth.

Here's a shout out to my sister Amanda... It's Valentines day! You are whipping the shit out of Nursing School. Way to go girl! :)

HTML...Blah

Wondering why by blog is all smooshed (new word) up. Not understanding much HTML b.s. and really wanting the pizza delivery man to get here.

Blayne is in bet... yes it is 615 and my son is in bed, I think he is just exhausted. Poor kid- He has a big weekend ahead too. poor kid.

Working on a new blog project. Not sure it will go... will see.

Have a BIG to do list before the Holidays.... i hate holidays.