we DID it

we made it- we moved.  I forget how exhausting it is.  Most of our things are still packed away in half-emptied boxes strewen about, but oh well... we are here. I love being able to run to the grocery store and be back in 7 minutes. 

We are getting used to the stairs, lol.  We have 15.  I made sure to count them the fifth time I had to climb them.  Blayne fell down them yesterday after climbing the baby gate that was secured to the top of the stairs.  Emileigh will go up the stairs, but then make a little "uhh uhhh" sound until someone comes to her rescue.

Most of their toys are upstairs in their rooms, so I spend a lot of time up here while they play.  Blayne refuses to be up here alone.  We will work on that...

Oh- speaking of Blayne.  He has slept in his own bed all night long the last two nights.  This is a MAJOR accomplishment considering he would come and get in our bed by midnight at the latest at the old house.  He likes Blaynes new room...

M-O-V-I-N-G

It is not a surprise to anyone that I hate living in the sticks of muskogee county.  Actually, I guess it could be worse, I could have zero internet access or satellite.  That would be so bad.


When we moved to this house, we were desperate.  In about a weekend, we came to the conclusion that I would quit work, we would move, and this needed to happen in days, if not minutes.  Our rent and expenses from Kevin driving back and forth from Tulsa to Muskogee for work were astronomical to say the least.  The only way we could afford to let me stay at home (in theory) was to move back to the 'Gee. 

Kevin and I spent a day combing through the newspaper and calling local relators.  We were not (and still are not) ready to purchase due to going from two incomes to one.  We were lucky enough to find a realator who also managed some properties in Muskogee.  That is how we landed here. 

At first glance, I was excited.  I have the granite countertops, I have the stainless steel appliances, I have crown molding, blah blah blah.   I also live 35 minutes from Wal-Mart, 25 Minutes from a grocery store, 15 minutes from a convenience store.  I fight ants and spiders on an hourly basis. I am not even going to begin to speak about the dogs next door, the ones who killed our dog and would do the same to my children.  The ceramic floor tiles in my kitchen are cracking and breaking under our feet.  What do you expect from a house that is 100 years old?  Our roof is a metal one, which might be amazing if, again you arent living in an 800 square foot, 100 year old house.  Being as it is, when it rains, no one sleeps.  I compare it to sleeping under a tarp. Clearly,I read this book by the cover.

Lucky for me, WE ARE MOVING!!! 

We are moving into town, into a neighborhood where other normal people live.  People who have children, not mean pit bull dogs.  I am super excited about this move.  We will gain about 800 square feet plus a two car garage.  We will also gain a fenced in back yard (privacy fence) and a back door for the kids to leave open and come in and out all day.  The only drawback I have at the moment is the fact that there are two bedrooms upstairs with the master down.  This means that my kids will be upstairs.  That will take a little bit of logistical thought, but I am up for it.  I need to purchase baby moniters, and was thinking about whether ot not I would prefer a video monitor.  Do any of my readers have any suggestions?

Scrapbooking??

I started my first scrapbook in 1997.  I can remember sitting in my bedroom at grandma's with my pinking shears, glue, and colored pencils.  I grabbed my grandmother's cookie cutters (for templates)  and bought some markers, even went for some glitter as the months progressed.  I cut out everything from newspaper articles to sporting event programs.  I kept ticket stubs, notes from friends (which is a long lost art I believe now that texting and cells phones have entered the picture) even napkins from restaurants.  Everything inside this scrapbook has special meaning to me for one reason or another. 

This scrapbook lives in my hope chest that hosts our 900 pound television along with other "meaningful" items.  You know- everything that means so much to me...but only gets looked at once every two years or so. 

My next scrapbook was for my dear friend, Brandy Gaskins- Hallman.  She was getting ready to marry Ben, and I wanted something very special for her wedding gift.  So I spent hours, days, weeks, months on this project.  It was before you could walk into a store and buy supplies.  This scrapbook was made with construction paper and a lot of blood, sweat, and tears.  I spent a lot of time obtaining pictures from both the Hallman and Gaskins families.  I would copy the pictues then return the originals. 

Finally the book was complete.  I presented it to them at their rehersal dinner and it was a big hit!  I was very proud of all the work I put in.  This little scrapbooking project turned Brandy and her sister-in-law (my cousin) Ashley onto the craft and they havent looked back.  They do amazing work.

A couple of years after presenting that book to Brandy, I was at her house and found the original book was dismantled.  I was so hurt. All of that hard work, gone.  It took a long time to get over that... but I did. 

During the next eight years, I spent an obscene amount of money that, frankly we did not have to spend on scrapbooking gadgets, stickers, paper, pens, embellishments, etc.  My subject matter wasnt extensive.  It included our dogs, old pictures, etc.  Imagine my excitement when Jaci was born- I finally had someone to scrapbook about! 

Fast forward to 2008 and the birth of my son.  Finally, I could put my skills to work.  Funny thing though, I have made about six pages in two years.  I always used the excuse of time.  "i just don't have time, i work 65 hours a week"   Now, I reliaze my opinion of the craft is just... changing.

Remember that first scrapbook?  The one in the bottom of the hope chest?  I am the only one who cares anything about that.  When I am gone, it will be pitched.  There aren't any journaling or descriptions.. nothing.

Secondly- just like the scrapbook gift to Brandy.  Styles and trends will change.  I can imagine giving my books to my kids in 20 years and them looking at them like... "mom, what the heck?  This is sooo- 20 years ago.  I am embarressed to show anyone these!!" 

Lastly, I have thought about a fire.  What are the most important things to me?  Apart from my family which is a no brainer, my most prized posessions is my external hard drive.  Such an easy thing to grab and run with.  I would not be able to grab those books, right? 

Anyway.  I know I will have the tug of scrapbooking in the future... and I plan to do some, digitally for the most part.  But more than that, I plan to just be a better blogger.  Use this as my new avenue to post pictures and the stories that go with.  That way, I can print the posts and compile them in a book someday...  That might be a better option. 

So- now...what to do with the thousands of dollars of supplies I have on my shelves...gathering dust?

moving

I hate moving. I hate moving almost as much as I hate funerals. It ranks right up there at the top of my do not do list.

I hate packing, I hate loading, I hate unloading and I hate that I can't find a single thing.

I LOVE unpacking though. Stick me in a house full of loaded up boxes and I will be in heaven. All I need is a weekend of un interrupted time and space. I can be an orginzation queen.

Problem is, I have none of it. No time, no space, and interruptions every 2.5 minutes.

My alarm went off this morning at 05:00. I groaned, I slept so well last night. The search began. Box of towls- check. Undergarmets- Check... shoes. Searching. .. ... Ahhh.

I did make it out of the house at 06:01. I pulled into the parking lot at 21st and Memorial at 7:02. score.

i hate moving.

I love that my baby boy got to play outside as much as he wanted to yesterday.
I love that my children will have their own space.
I love that my family is about 15 minutes away

I love that tomorrow- we are gonna carve pumpkins and drink hot chocolate on my front porch.

I love that my children don't understand how hard I work for them, they just care how hard I play with them.

life

if you know me, you know that i am the worst decision maker alive. i change my mind at least 10 times before i settle on any decision, no matter how big or small.

i have this fear of making the wrong decision. its a little weird though, this only applies to my personal life decisions. i can be at work throwing decisions down on a dime... sigh.

the biggest decision of my life just happened:

stay at home with my beautiful babies or go back to work?

i have flip-flopped a million times. there are some situations at work that made the decision very easy two weeks ago. so easy, i convinced my sweet husband to move back to muskogee immediately and pick up 100 hours of overtime to compensate for my lack of salary. talk about a monkey wrench when i went to talk to the EVP on thursday and i came home with wanting to go back to work.

i work for a transportation company, you know, the big trucks that either you hate because they run you of the road or you love because you get behind them on the interstate and can afford to drive a little faster?

i work with those men and women who are behind the wheel. delivering the freight to our customers who expect it on time no exceptions. hurricane katrina? that was just a rainstorm... talk about a headache.

anyway- i digress.

those people behind the wheel. they have families at home. those people behind the wheel have children at home. children whom they sometimes do not see for weeks at a time, and when they do get home.. it could be for hours. hours that is spent buying food to replenish their pantry and doing 2 weeks worth of laundry. they should be out side playing catch with their children, watching barney... anything. instead, they are getting ready for the next run. because our customers expect that of us.

my customers expect that of me. you see, i have two sets of customers. those that pay me to pick up and deliver their freight to their customers, and those who actually do the work (drivers). my job directly affects so many people... i rock at it, and i don't want to leave!

then i have the two most beautiful babies in the WORLD. babies, i never thought i would have. doctors told me multiple times that i would never carry a baby. adoption was my only answer. those doctors suck. thank goodness.

so i had a decision. back to work, my career that i have worked my heiney off for, or stay at home with my precious babies.

for the last three days i have changed my mind so many times. written lists of pros and cons... cried in restaurants, cried while driving, cried when i held them.... dreamed about the decision i was about to make.

yesterday, i was made an offer. a really good offer. one that is going to make bigger changes to our lives...

it came down to one thing:

my babies are not going to daycare...no chance.

i cried some more, re-introduced myself to God, asked everyone i talked to what the answer was, changed my mind 5 more times... and finally it all fell into place.

we will be living in muskogee. the reason, family. to keep my kiddos out of daycare, i needed someone on the following schedule:

Monday- 5:30 Am to Noonish
Wednesday- 5:30 am to 6:pm ish
Thursday- 5:30 Am to Noonish

because i have the best family and the best friend in the entire world, i have all three covered. and the best part, no daycare. no worrying about pink eye, or stitches, or some idiot feeding my child cheese.

thank you.

thank you Rita, Amanda, Butch, and Leigh. you have allowed me to continue working, for now, and will give my sweet babies what they need. i love each of you, more today than ever. :)


sooo- that's what i have been doing.

back to the office monday morning. 7am. i can't wait.

Okie from Muskoge

So... Today is Monday... I thought that I would be going back to work today. Last week, my mind was changed for me. There are things I can't reveil yet, but dont worry... Things are good, better than good.

Last Friday, Kevin and I spent the day combing the streets of Muskogee for a house. We will be leasing in order to get our feet under us with one income (Guess that is one secret out of the bag hua?). We started with the Muskogee paper and got absolutely nowhere fast. Second, we used word of mouth. There are some great townhouses available.. if you want to spend a lot of cash on about 600 square feet... sheesh.

I was getting very disappointed after the 6th house we looked at. Then I had the brilliant idea of calling a couple of realators. CHA-Ching.

We found a BEAUTIFUL house on six acres in the COUNTRY south of Muskogee. Beautiful I am so excited. I'll post pictures as soon as we take posession around the 22nd. It feels so good, like a dream. This move will allow me to stay at home with my wonderful children, spend a TON of time with my family, and give the opportunity to have my sisters and brother drop by at a moment's notice.

I am STOKED!

The downside: My husband is trying to kill himself right now working overtime to fund this move. In the next two weeks, Kevin will be putting in around 100 hours of OVERTIME. Yes, that is 180 hours total. It's a good thing he gets to sleep at work... I love him for taking one for the team.

Whew... a long one. Updated.

So much going on... and I haven't blogged. Sorry!!

Let's pick up where I left. We went to the doctor two weeks ago (almost) and were given the news baby Emileigh has too much water floating around with her. I came this close to having a full out panic attack (thanks to google) but after a couple of days, decided what will be will be. I chilled.

That was Thursday, on Friday Dr Parks called and said that EmJ's bladder and kidneys looked good and stay off of google. She reminded me that she would be on Vaca the next week and if I were to go into labor it would be okay with her. Plth.

Saturday my girlfriend Leigh came up and we had pedicures. AWESOME- and then watched the OU BYU game. Ewww. Funny thing: I was petrified that my water would break while getting my toes done, so I refused to go to Walmart. Leigh and I went to this little place right by the house (right off of Riverside next to Camilles) and settled in to pampering bliss. I was doing just fine until the massage chair started thumping my lower back. I am sure that we were the topic of some funny conversations while we tried to figure out how to turn that thing OFF.
It was trying to beat the kid out of me... sheesh. Oh well, way worth it and my toes are painted to boot.

Sunday came, Kevin went to work and Grandma came to stay. She, for the last six weeks, has been coming on Wednesday's and Sunday's to stay with Blayne and me while Kevo went to work. Such a nice blessing. She does laundry and cooks and does all that stuff... LOVE IT, WILL MISS IT.

Monday was Labor day, we hung out and did absolutely nothing.... I became a little nervous knowing that my Doctor was officially off for the week.

Thursday came and with it brought my stupid birthday. I was really looking forward to getting to see the doctor and getting the non-stress test done that was ordered the week before. I woke up bright and early 7am and called the hospital. I was shut down before I could get half of my request out. NO ROOM AT THE INN! At 1130, I called back (as requested by the super hateful inn keeper from earlier) and was told NO. Ms. Nice (or heiney) was kind enough to tell me "they can do that procedure in the doctor's office!"
I hung up, and cried. My hormones are way out of wack and I really just want some assurance this little girl is okay.

I had to wait until 2pm to see the doctor and time went sllllooooooooooow. I got to the office and after the long walk was contracting. I sat down in front of "new nurse" and she proceeded to ask me if I wanted a Flu shot... Ugh- NO. I want nothing but to know my baby is okay. She then asked me if I wanted to be Checked. I am sure I looked at her like she was Shrek because her reaction was priceless. I simply said "Sure, I have no idea what I want... I have never been this far before... aren't YOU the one in charge?"

She laughed (I think she wanted to punch me) and I watched her proceed into an exam room. I went to the bathroom to leave a little urine in the cup (TOTALLY DIFFERENT POST TO COME) and moseyed my way to the room.

When I arrived, I didn't notice an ultrasound machine. Nurse walked in and I asked, "am I not getting an ultrasound?" She replied "ugh, no" to which I came this close again to a meltdown. I explained that is the only reason I was there and something about too much fluid and well...she quickly left the room to chat with the doctor.

3 seconds later she returned and took me to Dr. Razdon's ultrasound room. Whew.

During the ultrasound, I was lost. I am used to Dr. Parks' machine and can usually read the estimates. This machine was ancient and didn't give them. I asked if she could tell me how much she weighed and was told NO. "Dr parks didn't ask me to do that" WHAT??? Are you effing kidding me? I started to melt again, on the inside... but got over it pretty quickly. I decided Dr. Razdon was pretty cool. I explained my fear of a C-section and she put my mind at semi-ease.

I did get an induction date of September 15th and asked to arrive at 05:00! Due to the whole earlier episode with the inn keeper at St. Francis, Dr. Razdon advised not to call ahead, just show up. I laughed. She did a bio-physical profile of the baby and decided we looked pretty darn good.

I came home, and got ready for Blayne to go stay with my Dad and Rita (papa and doodah) and get ready for a long awaited dinner out. It was my birthday after all :)

Blayne stayed in Muskogee until Saturday. Yesterday was a typical Sunday with Gram, and today has been spent doing any last minute things. Like Blogging. HA.

Blayne went to Slick with Meemaw and will stay there until we come home... I am FREAKING OUT.

I think that waiting 6 weeks then getting an induction is way worse than having your water spontaneously bust...

I'll update more later!

What!! A post??? HA!

It's been way too long, my poor neglected blog. I just can't think of anything with substance to write about. Or when I do, I am away from a computer and just don't take the time.
When I was a kid, I used to write in a journal- its fun to go back and look at the ones that have followed me through life. Some things I read I turn red from embarrassment, others I go right back to the time and place as if I had just lived it. Boyfriends, heartbreaks, moves, arguments, trials, wins, hopes and dreams - we all remember those times.

I have this journal that when you open the back, there are little colored dots all over the back. You know, the kind of dots you used to price garage sale items? Oh hell- These:


So anyway- I would take them and put them on the back of my journal and then write as small as I could the name of my friend and their phone number. Yes, this was back before everyone and their 2year old had cell phones...when we actually remembered phone numbers, used a phone book and could call someone to get us out of Jail by memory.

i digress..

The funny thing, there were names on the little dots of people I can't for the life remember. And funnier, there are names of people I secretly wanted to know- you know, the cool older crowd. I spent a lot of time wondering when I moved away what exactly I was missing and what the cool kids would end up to be. Its funny to actually now, know.


Moving on... tomorrow is the first day of my third-trimester. People- we are getting down to the wire. I am absolutely not ready at all. On a serious note, I really just need bottles, diapers, and wipes, formula, and butt paste... but I want all of the cutsie girl stuff. I just have no place to store it. I suppose I will make a trip to wal-mart and invest in some plastic cubes. Not the best option, but useful for storage later.


Work has been a handful- I am just hoping the light at the end of the tunnel isn't the train.

My little brother went through a program last summer for a number of different reasons, it helped him become a better guy and for that it was worth all of the trouble. One of the projects he was assigned was to journal the earliest memory he had then journal one page for ever year of his life thereafter. I believe that is the direction I will go with this blog. Lord knows I have a LOT to say and need to get written. I am hoping that it will be a cleansing- as well as something I can look back on in 5 years and see a different angle, much like the journaling I began this post with. Hang in there with me, I am sure that I won't keep up with daily posts and will definately deter and have to find my way back on the correct route, but at least I have a plan.

If you are completely bored- just move on. But accept my sincerest apologies. It is my greatest fear not to get stories journaled for my children, especially if the unimaginable happens with their mother. I always want my kids to know that they are loved and where their momma came from.

Now... to find a clever catchy name.....

I'll post a couple of pics of Blayne- I haven't in a few:


Sleeping:

Bathing:

And last but not least... my two favorite boys....

Something a brewin...

Beware- Blog is getting ready to be USED. I have some BIIIG plans... gotta get my head wrapped around it and get myself psyched up for it.

First- I need a slammin new look.... wonder if I can get to that today?