Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts

Hi hoooooo, Hi hoooooooo.... Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go...

Three weeks after Emileigh was born, I went back to work. Two weeks after that... I quit.



Tomorrow, I return.





I have such mixed feelings.  I am nervous, I am anxious, I am excited... I am scared I will miss my kids.  I will miss living in "comfortable clothing" and sleeping at convenient times. 

I am excited about getting back into the real world.  I am excited about contributing financially to this family once again.  I am excited that Kevin will get to spend more time with the kids.

The good totally outweighs the bad, and I know in a week, I will be over the anxiety. 

I am going back to LinkAmerica.  They called, we met, we stuck a deal.  I will have a ton of flexibility, with is the major point in my going back to work.  

Let's face it.  Link is what I know.    I have no problem working with truckers, or customers, or maintaince, or cranky people. 

it's the damn spreadsheets that kick my ass!





life

if you know me, you know that i am the worst decision maker alive. i change my mind at least 10 times before i settle on any decision, no matter how big or small.

i have this fear of making the wrong decision. its a little weird though, this only applies to my personal life decisions. i can be at work throwing decisions down on a dime... sigh.

the biggest decision of my life just happened:

stay at home with my beautiful babies or go back to work?

i have flip-flopped a million times. there are some situations at work that made the decision very easy two weeks ago. so easy, i convinced my sweet husband to move back to muskogee immediately and pick up 100 hours of overtime to compensate for my lack of salary. talk about a monkey wrench when i went to talk to the EVP on thursday and i came home with wanting to go back to work.

i work for a transportation company, you know, the big trucks that either you hate because they run you of the road or you love because you get behind them on the interstate and can afford to drive a little faster?

i work with those men and women who are behind the wheel. delivering the freight to our customers who expect it on time no exceptions. hurricane katrina? that was just a rainstorm... talk about a headache.

anyway- i digress.

those people behind the wheel. they have families at home. those people behind the wheel have children at home. children whom they sometimes do not see for weeks at a time, and when they do get home.. it could be for hours. hours that is spent buying food to replenish their pantry and doing 2 weeks worth of laundry. they should be out side playing catch with their children, watching barney... anything. instead, they are getting ready for the next run. because our customers expect that of us.

my customers expect that of me. you see, i have two sets of customers. those that pay me to pick up and deliver their freight to their customers, and those who actually do the work (drivers). my job directly affects so many people... i rock at it, and i don't want to leave!

then i have the two most beautiful babies in the WORLD. babies, i never thought i would have. doctors told me multiple times that i would never carry a baby. adoption was my only answer. those doctors suck. thank goodness.

so i had a decision. back to work, my career that i have worked my heiney off for, or stay at home with my precious babies.

for the last three days i have changed my mind so many times. written lists of pros and cons... cried in restaurants, cried while driving, cried when i held them.... dreamed about the decision i was about to make.

yesterday, i was made an offer. a really good offer. one that is going to make bigger changes to our lives...

it came down to one thing:

my babies are not going to daycare...no chance.

i cried some more, re-introduced myself to God, asked everyone i talked to what the answer was, changed my mind 5 more times... and finally it all fell into place.

we will be living in muskogee. the reason, family. to keep my kiddos out of daycare, i needed someone on the following schedule:

Monday- 5:30 Am to Noonish
Wednesday- 5:30 am to 6:pm ish
Thursday- 5:30 Am to Noonish

because i have the best family and the best friend in the entire world, i have all three covered. and the best part, no daycare. no worrying about pink eye, or stitches, or some idiot feeding my child cheese.

thank you.

thank you Rita, Amanda, Butch, and Leigh. you have allowed me to continue working, for now, and will give my sweet babies what they need. i love each of you, more today than ever. :)


sooo- that's what i have been doing.

back to the office monday morning. 7am. i can't wait.

Way too early

I arrived to work at 04:15. Couldn't sleep- Blayne is teething and Kevin pissed me off. I am sure I returned the favor, but damn- he is in bed snoozing while I am catching up on email in the hottest room invented.

I will be asleep at 7PM tonight- Mark my words.

I have been awake since 01:30.

Frustrated

This will be a complete vent post. I apologize up front- if you aren't in the mood for bitching- move right along.

1. Last Friday, I left work feeling pretty good with a decision and a change. I had spend A LOT of time with the decision I made and spent many hours of MY.OWN.SLEEP.TIME. tossing it over and over in my head. Friday- I was comfortable with the decision, no I was freaking excited. I was stupid excited. All weekend long, I had this anticipation of Monday. seriously- that never happens. I come into work, all gung ho- and nothing. Nothing. At 10:45 I go on a search and uncover the "well, your thing is on hold" WTF? You put my "deal" on hold and don't have the guts to at least ring my extension and tell me? Better yet, You call me all of the time to check the damn weather, and it doesn't cross your mind this might be worth a phone call???? Needless to say, something good better come out of this little "deal" or I will be one pissed off person.

2. We found a house. Just a rental for now, but it is perfect. Move in date August 1st, 3 bedrooms, fenced in yard with a much larger outside area perfect for a garden. Great area- 2 miles from Blayne's daycare... etc. etc. I get the paperwork together today to send and shoot the prospective landlord an email. To which she replies a bunch of bullcrap meant for someone else! Looks like we are one of the final 3 people to be selected. Dude- not sure I can even bear to wait 24 hours. JUST PICK US ALREADY!!! GEEZ.

3. My sister- My heart is breaking for a million reasons. Mainly- because she feels unloved or unappreciated, I am not sure which.
She picked up and jetted off to Texas, that I am not upset that she went to Texas, she is young and single and well, GO! I would love to have had the luxury to pick up and go at a moments notice. I am upset with the way she left, and the comments she gives. I have lost sleep over this- but have decided she is a big girl now. Kaitlynn, I hope you find the happiness you so desperately are looking for. I hope that one day you will truly understand that Family is really all you have and no matter what, they love you. Your family doesn't have to like you 100% of the time, but love is built in. you know the whole, blood is thicker than water?

I feel a little better- will do some work (what, I have no idea...remember I am in limbo) and see if I can't get this day to pass a little quicker.

What!! A post??? HA!

It's been way too long, my poor neglected blog. I just can't think of anything with substance to write about. Or when I do, I am away from a computer and just don't take the time.
When I was a kid, I used to write in a journal- its fun to go back and look at the ones that have followed me through life. Some things I read I turn red from embarrassment, others I go right back to the time and place as if I had just lived it. Boyfriends, heartbreaks, moves, arguments, trials, wins, hopes and dreams - we all remember those times.

I have this journal that when you open the back, there are little colored dots all over the back. You know, the kind of dots you used to price garage sale items? Oh hell- These:


So anyway- I would take them and put them on the back of my journal and then write as small as I could the name of my friend and their phone number. Yes, this was back before everyone and their 2year old had cell phones...when we actually remembered phone numbers, used a phone book and could call someone to get us out of Jail by memory.

i digress..

The funny thing, there were names on the little dots of people I can't for the life remember. And funnier, there are names of people I secretly wanted to know- you know, the cool older crowd. I spent a lot of time wondering when I moved away what exactly I was missing and what the cool kids would end up to be. Its funny to actually now, know.


Moving on... tomorrow is the first day of my third-trimester. People- we are getting down to the wire. I am absolutely not ready at all. On a serious note, I really just need bottles, diapers, and wipes, formula, and butt paste... but I want all of the cutsie girl stuff. I just have no place to store it. I suppose I will make a trip to wal-mart and invest in some plastic cubes. Not the best option, but useful for storage later.


Work has been a handful- I am just hoping the light at the end of the tunnel isn't the train.

My little brother went through a program last summer for a number of different reasons, it helped him become a better guy and for that it was worth all of the trouble. One of the projects he was assigned was to journal the earliest memory he had then journal one page for ever year of his life thereafter. I believe that is the direction I will go with this blog. Lord knows I have a LOT to say and need to get written. I am hoping that it will be a cleansing- as well as something I can look back on in 5 years and see a different angle, much like the journaling I began this post with. Hang in there with me, I am sure that I won't keep up with daily posts and will definately deter and have to find my way back on the correct route, but at least I have a plan.

If you are completely bored- just move on. But accept my sincerest apologies. It is my greatest fear not to get stories journaled for my children, especially if the unimaginable happens with their mother. I always want my kids to know that they are loved and where their momma came from.

Now... to find a clever catchy name.....

I'll post a couple of pics of Blayne- I haven't in a few:


Sleeping:



Bathing:






And last but not least... my two favorite boys....





seriously

I had 4,000+ emails!!! Holy freaking cow. I am still sorting through them... sorry for the delay in updating and pics.

Vacation is over

Over- I will be back in the office tomorrow morning 730 bright and early. I have plenty to blog about, so instead of doing that tonight, I will update tomorrow. After I read 2500 emails I am sure.


Weird?

Does it make me weird or old that I am piping KMOD into my office as LOUD as possible?

Bath Time

I have nothing significant to blog about tonight... Just some really random crap.


1. My job is suckingsobadIwanttocry right now. Oh, wait... I HAVE CRIED!!! Is it worth you sanity to cry at work? For the record, I am not a crybaby. I have to be really, really, really, upset. Example: My idioit boss asked me to be a co-workers hoe this week. He asked me, "Jennifer will you be XYZ's Ho?" To which I replied, Uhhhh. He continues, "You do know what a Hoe is right?" "A tool to cultivate a garden" was my response. I definately think he is scum.


2. I am not in the Christmas mood. Yes I know it is Blayne's very first Christmas ever...still not in the mood. at all...


3. Work should have 2 spots. There.


4. Still looking for that part time, tele-commuting job. Come on people...help a girl out!


5. Blayne loves to take a bath in the kitchen sink. I snapped a few pics and will leave the night with them... Happy Wednesday.



Bath Time...





December 1st... Already?!!

Blayne has two teeth. The first one took a couple of weeks to come in, the second one popped in overnight. He loves to chew with his little teeth. This is the first picture I caught with his mouth open... See the little white toopher? We begin brushing them now.. FUN.

I stayed home with Blayne today. He is still sick, has double ear infections poor guy. We had to have tubes put in his ears when he was 6 months old due to having 5 infections in 5 months... the little guy never pulled on an ear once. His doctor is pretty sure the medicine will take care of this flare up. If not- Off to Dr. Brownlee...

Kevin and I are trying to figure out how to move back to Muskogee. It is just home. PLUS- I would be able to work part-time and stay home with Blayne more. I need a tele-commuting job... know anyone who is hiring?

I am sad tonight. Since the day we brought Blayne home, I have always fed him is bottle at night and he snuggled up and went right to sleep. For the past 2 nights, he is very interested in his bottle, but not so much the snuggling. *Tear* My little boy is growing up. I tried to tell Kevin that we were so much fun that he didn't want to go to sleep... who am I kidding?? After an hour of Blayne playing he finally decided he would crash. At least he let me rock him.

Going back to work tomorrow. Wish me luck- I need it.