I sit here, alone, in my kitchen tonight. I have cinnamon rolls in the over for dinner. The kind you peel out of a can, not the kind you spend hours and pour love into. The kind that promises to heal a broken heart if you inhale the entire 8,431 calories, alone.
My children are in their bedrooms, thankful that I've decided cleaning was declared "OVER" for the evening. They have been troopers today. We are rearranging the living areas in our home to accommodate a "play room" for the knot-heads. Their rooms are much too small and my patience for trash and mess has come to a head. It's either we build a playroom or I sell someone.
I digress, though. This post isn't about how terribly unorganized or filthy my children's bedrooms are. It started off being about grace.
What exactly is Grace? I'm so happy you asked!
1grace
noun \ˈgrās\
: a way of moving that is smooth and attractive and that is not stiff or awkward
: a controlled, polite, and pleasant way of behaving
graces : skills that are needed for behaving in a polite way in social situations
Full Definition of GRACE
1
a : unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification
b : a virtue coming from God
c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace
3
a : a charming or attractive trait or characteristic
b : a pleasing appearance or effect : charm grace
4
—used as a title of address or reference for a duke, a duchess, or an archbishop
5
: a short prayer at a meal asking a blessing or giving thanks
6
plural capitalized : three sister goddesses in Greek mythology who are the givers of charm and beauty
7
: a musical trill, turn, or appoggiatura
8
a : sense of propriety or right grace
See Examples of GRACE
- She walked across the stage with effortless grace.
- She handles her problems with grace and dignity.
- He has shown remarkable grace during this crisis.
- She is quite lovable despite her lack of social graces.
- Let us give thanks for God's grace.
- By the grace of God, no one was seriously hurt.
- She tried to live her life in God's grace.
Origin of GRACE
Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin gratia favor, charm, thanks, from gratus pleasing, grateful; akin to Sanskrit gṛṇāti he praises
I spend a lot of time with my grandparents. They have stood in the gap where my biological parents should have been, but never were, since before I was born, I imagine. My grandmother talks about not wanting to be a grandmother at the young age of barely 41. She was just days into the year when my parents dropped me off to tend to my mother's something or other at the hospital. We bonded the first day.
Growing up, grandma was the one who would give me advice. She would pick me up on Friday nights and beg my parents to allow me to spend the night. She was the one who furnished my school clothing, she was at every dance recital and softball game I was a participant.
She fought for me. She called DHS when my parents thought hitting was okay. She forgave my parents, but never forgot. She cried when I was carted off to New Mexico, then to Utah (which looking back I loved but missed her terribly) and was there the night my parents packed up all of my belongings and put them on the porch in trash bags when I was 17
.
She financed a wedding that was so beautiful when everyone involved knew we were too young, but no one had the guts to pump the breaks. She was in the room when I cried out, "what have I done!??" two days upon returning from our honeymoon.
She watched me go back to my mother again and again in hopes that she would love me like the mothers of my friends loved them, knowing my mother never would. She didn't have the capacity. How that must have broken my grandmother's heart. She never said a word.
She was the very first person I called when I thought I was pregnant with Blayne. I'll never ever forget that moment. ever. She was the first person and the person I needed most when my mother was found dead. She was there to guide the three of us (Kaitlynn and Butch and myself) as we buried our mom and cleaned out her house. She spoke up when we needed her to, and she stood back when she thought it was best.
She has allowed me to fall flat on my face, time and time again, but she has never allowed me to stay there.
She loves my children as much as she loved me and hurts to know that one day she will be gone and I will have to fill her shoes for them.
Her favorite song is "Wind beneath my wings" but not the version sung by Bette Midler. She loves the color green and is friends with anyone who has ever known her.
She gives the best advice and the best hugs and she makes the BEST food.
She is my very best friend and knows every single thing about me and my life. Hopes, dreams, crashes, and failures. She gives the worst looks and she can break my heart in two when I've done something to disappoint her.
That is what brought me to this blog.
I have disappointed her today and there isn't a single thing I can do to go back and fix it. I've cried most of the day, not because I'm upset, but because I've upset her. It is my biggest fear, aside of the dreaded phone call, to disappoint my gran.
She loves me though. Oh how she loves me. She loves me enough to teach me at a young age that Jesus loves me. She loves me enough to show me how Jesus loves His children. She is grace. The Grace Paul speaks about. The grace that forgets the wrong. The grace that I am so not worthy of, but so very thankful for.
Grace. Grace is Joann Shelton.
I love you, Gram.
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