Sweet Slumber

Today is the first day that I have had both Blayne and Emileigh, alone, since August 28th.  You know, that awful day that I woke up with a broken back.

It feels so wonderful!

The little things are what I missed the most.  Snuggling on the couch while watching Sesame Street, putting a load of laundry in and hearing the sound of the dishwasher running.  I began the organization project of a lifetime, TOYS, today...Who knows when that will be completed.

Now, I sit in the recliner in my bedroom next to my bed where Blayne thinks he must sleep, and I am watching my little man drift off to sleep.  He has always been a very good sleeper, you tell him to go to sleep and he does.

I am enjoying the sweet sounds he is making as his breathing turns heavier and slower.

I have missed this.  Since August, I have taken every opportunity to join in at nap time, usually asleep before he.

Now, I sit here and take it all in.

Yes, I am healing.

Finally.

Cherish Everyday




What's a girl to do when you can't sleep?  Well you facebook!  Then, you pin on pinterest, then when you gather inspiration from that, you work on your project life album!  While working on this page, I remembered why I was on a scrapbooking hiatus for such long time.  It took me over 90 minutes to finish this ONE page.

Granted I had to search for the right font, the right brush, and I re-colored everything... I'm pleased with how this turned out.  The pictures are from my iPhone.  They aren't the best shots in the world, however, I will remember this moment for the rest of my life.  I will remember it, because I have it recorded in a special and memorial way.  When Emileigh has her book, and shows it to her children someday, they will understand and feel the love their grandfather has for his daughter, their mother.  

They say pictures speak a thousand words, I believe it.



That better place...

If you read my last post, and thought I fell off the rocker, you were close to being correct.  I was in a dark, dark, place.  I am NOT a good person to wait for anything.  To prove this statement, I will confess:  When reading a book, I will likely read the first two chapters, then skip and read the last two.  I will then go back to chapter three and finish the book.  I read magazines from the back forward.  I just like to know how things end.

That being said... I went to see Dr. P yesterday.  He reviewed the CT scan and explained that, at this time, there is no reason to further proceed with surgery.

Today, I went to Tulsa and had a nerve block injection.  While I am still in a lot of pain, I can bear with this.  AND the effects aren't supposed to kick in for another 36 hours, yay!

I've been without my kids since Monday, and I am having major withdrawls, but hopefully- I'm on the mend.  I appreciate all of the kind thoughts, text messages, emails, and phone calls.  I am truly a blessed lady :)

So, since the kiddos are out, I believe I will take all this built up frustration and focus it on PROJECT LIFE!


Jen :)

That Crazy Place...

I swear to God.  I'm in such a crazy place right now.   Since August, I have had two back surgeries, two spinal injections, and here I am... sitting at my grandmother's house in such great pain.  Mentally, I am exhausted.  I am in such a strange place.  I understand why people who live in constant pain take a handful of pills and drift of to eternal sleep.  Please don't read that as something I would do.... I just understand their thought process.

I never ever wanted to me a mom.  I wanted to be a professional softball player... I wanted to play softball in the Olympics.  Kids weren't even in the picture.

When I had shoulder surgery my Junior year of High School, I worked my ass off to get back into shape and back in the game.  It payed off and I played some good ball with some great gals in Purcell.  I loved being a Dragon :)  Then we moved.

I ended up back in Bristow my senior year, but the damage was already done.  The girls I started playing softball with when I was five played on the team, so I thought I would join them.  Unfortunately, the Vice Principal told me that he wouldn't sign the hardship papers (needed so the OSSAA would allow me to be eligable due to my transfer) unless I also agreed to play Basketball.  I did not and do not love basketball.  However, I agreed and went out for Softball.  I didn't get much playing time.  I was angry and frustrated.  I was a SENIOR, why was I sitting the bench?!

Softball ended, Basketball started.  Turns out, I worked hard and a week before the first game, Coach Glover pulled me aside and told me that although I wouldn't be a starter, I would see significant playing time.  I was beyond excited.  Then, with two minutes left in the last practice before our first game, we were doing layup drills, and I rolled my right ankle.  I tore my achilles tendon.  I was out forever.

This is important, because at that moment, I went into such a deep dark place.  Lost were the dreams of an Olympic gold medal.  Gone were dreams of college.  Gone were dreams of becoming someone special.

I started dating J.  We both had enough emotional family baggage to fill the state of Texas.  Somehow we thought at 18, it would be a good idea to get married.  Looking back, we both knew it was a mistake.  But, I had nothing else going for me, so we did.

Still as a married woman, I still did not want kids.  No way, not for me.  I would be a terrible mother and that wasn't an option.

We seperated 11 months after we said, "I do."  

I went back into that dark place.  This time, I really felt damaged.  Who would want a divorcee at 20?
I decided that I would just figure out how to work hard, get a job, save some money, and travel.
That was okay... I didn't want kids.  I could fly by the seat of my pants.

Then I met Kevin.

Two weeks after I met him, I wanted to give him children.  I wanted to be his children's mother.  I wanted HIS babies.  I wanted my children to be his.

Five years later, I got my wish.  Blayne was born and 18 months later, Emileigh completed our family.

We have had so much happen in the 3.5 years since Blayne arrived, but they are all filled with laughter, love, and peace.  I love those three people that make my family mine.  I loved the chance to stay at home with Blayne and EmJ.  I loved being able to step over toys that were scattered throughout the house.  I loved it all.


For never wanting to be a mom, it's the greatest thing that has EVER happened to me.


Then I hurt my back (or whatever the hell happened) and I find myself back into that dark place.  What happens if I never get better?!!  I have had two surgeries... I am almost worse now than I was before surgery #1.  I know I am not better.

What if my children will never remember mom walking normally?  Kids are jerks and I don't want them to tease Blayne and Emileigh because their mom is broken.  I want to take them to Disney World.  I want to be able to walk with them and enjoy every moment.  I don't want to ride a stupid motorized cart!!!

I want to teach Emileigh how to play softball...  I want to play with her.  I can't tell you how much this means to me.

What if I can't?  What if I won't be able to be the mom my kids deserve?
Why would God allow me to be a mom, if I can't be a good one?

I'm in a bad place today.  I need to climb out, I will.  I always have.  I'm just sick of climbing.

I'm thankful for my husband, Kevin.  I'm thankful for Blayne Wesley and Emileigh Joann.
I'm thankful for my grandparents, Joann and Wesley Shelton.

Without those people..... I might have just swallowed those pills.  Because of them, I never will.




Loving this!

I can't help it.  Project Life is so easy... I LOVE IT.  I bought two additional kits yesterday... I thought I would use them to do projects that are sitting in my computer files from the past.

Below: Project 1 -  Emileigh's second birthday.  It turned out so cute!








Project Life 2012 - Version TeamTaylor

A few posts back, I wrote about finding Pinterest and that find caused my creative juices to begin flowing.  Then, I woke up with a broken back.

Back into storage went the supplies.  Back into the creative rut I went.

Then, it happened... One of my friends on Facebook, Lyndsay, posted about Project Life.  She said the following words: "So far, I've got 4 people on board for #ProjectLife with me."

From somewhere deep inside, that feeling came back.  I used to play around with digital scrap-booking.  I can do it from the computer.  All I will need is a power supply, my external hard-drive, and some kits.

She blogged about Project Life and sent me to this site.

I spent $30.00 and will have enough supplies to last me F.O.R.E.V.E.R.  You see, when you digi-scrap, you have the files to use over and over.  When you scrapbook with traditional supplies, you purchase the paper, you glue it, it's gone.

I admit, I am a bit rusty.  I hope it won't take long for me to re-discover my style :)  Again, lucky for me, I can always change my layout... nothing is permanently glued :)








So, if you are interested in joining you can get the digi - kit here.
There is also a Facebook group. Ask to join, here.


Want to know more about Project Life?  Watch this Video by Becky Higgins, she created the craze!